On Equal Terms Read online

  ‘Do you like my dress?’ she whispered, raising her doe eyes to look at him. He looked at her, smiling, and nodded.

  ‘Quite the young lady,’ he said, but she had known he was sincere and her heart had leapt at his words. She moved closer, and lifted her face to his, her full lips parted in soft invitation, her eyes holding a slumberous warmth.

  ‘Kate,’ he whispered, so quietly, as if it was an incantation of love. ‘My Kate.’ He allowed his hand to travel over her tender cheek and she inclined her head like a satisfied cat, to enjoy the feel of it on her skin. She knew he was going to kiss her, she had imagined it so many times that it seemed perfectly natural. She stepped closer and their bodies fused together in silent communion. He lowered his head and Kate closed her eyes, savouring every moment. His lips met hers in gentle surrender and Kate felt herself soaring, soaring higher and higher.

  ‘Sebastian!’ The shocked, disapproving tone of Louisa broke the spell, banishing the magic moment. Kate heard Sebastian mumble apologies and the realisation that to him it had all been a mistake chilled her to the bone. He moved away from her, leaving her feeling lost and alone in an alien world. She knew then that he didn’t love her, not the way she loved him.

  The rest of her birthday party had been a fiasco. Sebastian spent the whole evening with Louisa, dancing closely, sharing jokes, snatching kisses like typical young lovers. Kate watched them, her insides twisting painfully at every sign of intimacy between them. She hadn’t wanted to go away but knew now that there was little to keep her at her family house. Kate sighed and pushed herself upright. It was all in the past, she reminded herself firmly. It had been a silly schoolgirl crush, an infatuation with an older man. She was past all that now—she no longer loved Sebastian. She hated him, in fact, hated his arrogance, his superior attitude. All she wanted now was the chance to prove to him just how little he meant to her.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  KATE began to dress, pulling open familiar drawers and taking out some delicate underwear, and suddenly rejoicing in the luxury she had been denying herself. She gave a start as she heard the door open and swung round to face Sebastian as he viewed her in her skimpy underwear.

  ‘Why so startled, Kate?’ he enquired. Kate grabbed at her dressing-gown, drawing the cord firmly around her body, but she still felt bare, exposed, under his cold scrutiny.

  ‘It’s polite to knock before entering a lady’s bedroom,’ she retorted. She had immediately gone on the attack as it was her only protection against him. She still felt oddly vulnerable with him, despite the fact that all she felt for him was loathing.

  ‘I’ve brought you breakfast in bed,’ Sebastian replied, with a calm smile. He seemed to ignore the look on Kate’s face. Here we go again, Kate thought to herself. He’s treating me as if I’m the baby sister needing to be looked after. But she had to concede that despite his usual customary arrogance he sounded sincere.

  ‘Breakfast in bed?’ she echoed. ‘That’s hardly necessary.’ She laughed, touched by his sudden gesture of kindness yet troubled by it, too.

  ‘It is, because that’s where you’re to stay for at least two days,’ Sebastian said firmly as he placed the tray on the side-table and inclined his head towards the bed, expecting her to get back into it immediately.

  ‘Two days!’ repeated Kate miserably. She would go mad! She hated being inactive—and Sebastian knew that.

  ‘That’s right; now get back in.’ Sebastian gave an indulgent twitch of his mouth, as if he expected her to protest. Kate grimaced to herself at his arrogant assumption that she would do as he said.

  ‘I feel fine,’ she protested, moving away from the bed and over to the tray of food; the delicate aroma of smoked bacon had awakened a sudden feeling of hunger in her. Sebastian shrugged his broad shoulders, obviously indifferent to her claims.

  ‘That’s debatable. However, they’re doctor’s orders—not some devious idea thought up by me,’ he informed her. He knew she held him responsible.

  Kate turned away, lowering her sooty long lashes over her eyes. ‘I think he’s over-reacting, then,’ she said stubbornly. The thought of being trapped in bed still filled her with dread. She had been so busy, used to working all hours, and even then all her energy had not been spent.

  ‘It was a very nasty accident; it could have been fatal,’ Sebastian reminded her.

  Kate shivered as a sudden image of the out-of-control car spinning towards her flashed through her mind. She gripped the edge of the table for support, suddenly feeling sick.

  ‘That’s why bed-rest has been recommended,’ he continued, a tiny note of triumph in his voice. His arms were round her shoulders as he guided her back to the bed. Kate’s muscles set against his touch but she felt too weak to protest as he helped her. She lay down on the bed, grateful now for Sebastian’s support. She looked up at him, smiling her thanks weakly, but he withdrew his hands quickly and looked away.

  ‘You’ll feel better after you’ve eaten.’ There was a strange tension in his voice.

  Kate’s eyes flickered down to the tray of food. There seemed to be a huge amount—more like a full brunch than a light breakfast! She looked back at Sebastian, searching for some trace of—what? She knew that all she would find was his contempt. He felt no sympathy for her, only duty. She tried to read what lay behind the cool, intelligent mask—what type of game he was playing with her.

  ‘There’s far too much here…’ she began.

  ‘Kate, this is one point I refuse to argue about.’ Sebastian’s gaze narrowed on her militant expression. ‘I am not going to repeat this at every meal. I don’t know what the hell you’ve been doing with yourself but you look a mess. You’ve lost weight, and before you see your father you’ll have to look a damn sight better.’ He paused for a second to place a silencing finger on Kate’s lips as her mouth opened, ready to protest again. He continued, his eyes warning her to be silent, ‘So each and every meal which is served I expect you to eat—all of it. Understood?’ he pronounced sternly.

  Kate’s protests died on her lips when she saw the uncompromising look that was carved on Sebastian’s face. She knew that, as far as he was concerned, there was going to be no more discussion on this matter; he was determined.

  ‘The longest Daddy’s ever away is a few days. I can hardly eat that much in such a short space of time that it could make any difference…’ she tried once more, her argument going off on a tangent, but Sebastian cut in forcefully.

  ‘He’s not here. Our parents are in Kenya…’

  ‘At this time of year?’ she asked after a while, slightly puzzled. She took a mouthful of hot coffee and was about to launch into a million questions, but the bed sank with the weight of Sebastian’s body as he sat down. There was something in his expression, a seriousness that shone in his eyes, that caused a sudden whirl of panic to surge through Kate.

  ‘What is it?’ she demanded as she struggled to keep the strain from her voice.

  He took a slow, deep breath, while Kate waited.

  ‘Your father has been ill. They’ve gone to the villa for an extended holiday to help in his recuperation.’ His voice was clinical. He could have been reading the news, not informing her that her father was seriously ill. It was well-known that Howard Peterson was a workaholic, who never took holidays unless forced to and even then work was never that far away. Kate tried to comprehend what Sebastian had just told her. It couldn’t possibly be true. Her father was a strong, vital man; he had never been ill in his life.

  ‘Why are you saying this?’ she accused Sebastian, wanting so much for it to be a cruel trick on his part. Her eyes searched his face, hoping and waiting for his denial, but none came.

  ‘I’m sorry, Kate, there was no easy way of telling you. I know it’s a shock…’ His voice now held little comfort.

  ‘What happened? What’s wrong with him?’ She didn’t care now about appearances; she was not going to hide her emotions. She couldn’t; they were far too strong. Her hand reached out, g
rasping Sebastian’s arm tightly. ‘What happened?’ she demanded again. ‘Tell me what’s wrong. You should have told me sooner, at once…’

  ‘I’ve told you now because I feel you’re strong enough. I wasn’t sure before that you were ready for the news,’ Sebastian said quietly.

  ‘You had no right to keep this information from me. He’s my father,’ Kate shouted with sudden possessiveness. Sebastian shrugged his arm free of her grip with a sudden jerk, and Kate’s hand dropped limply on to the bed. His eyes raked over her with derision.

  ‘So the prodigal daughter is now concerned?’ he mocked her. ‘A little too late to play the dutiful child, aren’t we?’ he scoffed. Kate flinched at his tone. She sat stunned, in silence.

  ‘Tell me what’s wrong with my father,’ she persisted, ignoring Sebastian’s contempt.

  ‘Why the sudden interest, Kate? Feeling guilty?’ Sebastian almost sneered. Kate felt suddenly leaden; surely he was not blaming her for her father’s illhealth?

  ‘For God’s sake, Sebastian, tell me,’ she urged, her voice hoarse with emotion.

  ‘He had a heart attack,’ Sebastian said simply, but Kate heard the crack in his voice and knew then that he too was concerned.

  She sat, struggling to accept the idea. Finally, she whispered, ‘When?’

  Sebastian looked directly at her as he heard the unspent emotion in her voice.

  ‘Three months ago…’

  ‘Three months? I should have—’ Kate began, but Sebastian was in no mood to give any quarter.

  ‘Yes, you should have been here, and had you been he might have recovered. As it is…’ His voice trailed away, leaving Kate in turmoil.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘He’s not making the recovery he should. Progress has been slow, hence the holiday,’ he told her coolly.

  ‘Thank God you came when I had that accident, otherwise I might never have found out,’ Kate breathed, with some measure of relief.

  ‘You don’t honestly believe I came to the hospital out of concern for you?’ Sebastian said evenly. ‘I saw the effect your absence was having on him. Despite your appalling behaviour, he actually still loves you.’

  Kate listened, horrified. She had wanted so much to make amends to her father but he had refused to accept her offers of reconciliation. Surely Sebastian knew that any ill-feeling was all on her father’s side?

  ‘You don’t understand…’ she protested, hurt and anger vying for supremacy as she caught the flash of scorn in his eyes.

  ‘Don’t I?’ he said heavily, pushing himself from the bed. ‘I understand very well, Kate. You’re nothing but a spoilt, self-centred child who cares for no one else but yourself.’ He strode over to the window and gazed out across the hills, not bothering even to look at her.

  Kate recoiled, stung by his words. He was wrong—terribly, terribly wrong—but she couldn’t tell him the truth. It would be a betrayal of her father and she loved him too much for that. Instead she would have to allow Sebastian to think badly of her. Besides, she wouldn’t be staying here now—she had to go out to see her father at once.

  ‘I’ll go today,’ Kate said, pushing the half-eaten tray of food from her lap and scrambling out of bed. Perhaps she was too late? She shook her head to dismiss the thought from her brain; it was too awful even to contemplate. She flung open her wardrobe doors and stared at the barren space; a handful of wire coat-hangers hung empty, confirming her worst fears. She spun round to face Sebastian.

  ‘Where are my clothes?’ she demanded, her teeth clenched together so tightly that her jaw ached with the effort.

  ‘Clothes!’ he said with unbidden contempt. ‘Those rags that you have started wearing? I didn’t even bother to pick them up. I left them all behind.’

  His arrogance made her blood boil.

  ‘You’ve done what?’ Kate said, her voice shrill with incredulity. She knew her anger was amusing him; had he not always taken delight in teasing her? She refused to allow him to see her weakness. ‘You had no right…’ she began, the words coming out in a strange whisper.

  ‘I had every right. In time you will be well enough to go to see your father. For that you will require a wardrobe of suitable clothes—none that you owned fell into that category,’ Sebastian reminded her with his usual ease.

  ‘I want to go now!’ Kate tried to inject some strength into her voice but failed. She knew she had sounded more like a spoilt child, and the flicker of impatience that scurried across Sebastian’s face warned her that that was exactly how he had heard it. He moved with lightning speed across the room, his long, powerful legs eating up the distance between them.

  ‘That’s all you ever say, isn’t it?’ he said as he stood over her. ‘“I want, I want, I want.”’ Well, from now on, it’s what I want that matters. You will go to see your father when I say, and that won’t be till you’ve fully recovered.’

  Kate wanted to cry but she would not give him the satisfaction. Her tears and sorrow were for herself alone. She couldn’t speak; she knew her voice would crack, and she had to remain in control—any show of emotion would only be seen as a tantrum by Sebastian, he thought so badly of her.

  ‘Now get back into bed,’ he ordered, his voice quieter again, but honed with that sharp edge of authority.

  Kate took a deep breath and walked with as much dignity as she could muster. Sebastian followed her wordlessly and lifted the tray from the bed, his eyes scanning the now cold, half-consumed breakfast with disapproval.

  ‘I’ll bring you something later,’ he told her crisply, and Kate nodded mutely in response. She couldn’t answer him—there were no words strong enough to tell him exactly what she thought of him, or how she really felt, but she knew now that the only chance of getting away from him was to do as he asked. Yet she knew he was right—it would do her father’s health no good to see her like this.

  She couldn’t cry; her eyes seemed strangely dry, her mind blank. There was a pain in her chest, a heaviness brought on by worry; she wanted to see her father more than ever now, to be reassured that he was all right. But she would have to wait.

  She could telephone, though. The idea brought a smile to her face, and she reached out, snatching the telephone from her bedside table. She repeatedly hit the buttons but the receiver remained silent. Finally, in total frustration, she slammed the receiver down so loudly that she failed to hear Sebastian enter the room again.

  ‘Kate?’ he said, looking at her taut, frail figure curled up defensively in her bed, the sheet pulled up high to her chin. Her pale, innocent face looked up at him.

  ‘I want to make a call to my father,’ she explained quietly, her expression filled with sadness as she thought he might refuse her request. It had obviously been him on the extension line—he had picked up another telephone in the house to prevent her call from connecting.

  ‘Really?’ he said.

  ‘Yes, I do,’ insisted Kate, the plea in her voice tangible. She tried to remain impervious to his manner, not wanting to spar with him any more, but she was so keen to hear for herself that her father was all right. ‘Can I?’

  ‘Yes,’ snapped Sebastian suddenly, a stiff look on his face as he struggled with some inner conflict. Kate guessed that he was wondering whether or not to allow her to make the call. She knew he still did not trust her, but she could also see the human side of him responding to her plea.

  ‘Please, Sebastian,’ she begged, and a dark look passed over his face like a rain-filled cloud crossing an empty sky.

  ‘Yes,’ he said finally. ‘Of course you can.’ He raked his slender, strong fingers through his hair. His dark gaze roamed over her face, but whatever he sought was not there and he mumbled a curse as he turned away. Kate was puzzled by his action; his reactions were far too complicated for her to understand.

  She wasted no time. Her fingers rapidly tried the number again and she waited none too patiently as the call went through; the faint ringing was like a nail hammering on her brain till finally
she heard the distant voice of her stepmother.

  ‘Hello, it’s Kate,’ she said breathlessly, a hot stain of colour flooding her ashamed face as she wondered what the other woman’s reaction would be. She suddenly felt sick again and knew it was due to nerves; her stomach was a whirl of butterflies. She closed her eyes in relief at her stepmother’s words.

  ‘Kate! How utterly marvellous! How are you? It’s so good to hear from you. Hold on a minute. I’ll get your father.’

  Her stepmother’s response seemed sincere and Kate felt a twist of remorse. Then she noticed Sebastian, who was watching her reaction with cool interest.

  ‘Daddy,’ whispered Kate, her voice barely audible, as if she was afraid to speak any louder. ‘Daddy,’ she repeated, loving the sound of his name. Knowing that he was able to speak to her was so marvellous. ‘How are you?’ she breathed, the love she felt for him spilling out without any effort on her part. She could feel hot tears filling her eyes and swallowed hard to try and control the fragile grip she had on her strained emotions. ‘Yes, yes of course. Soon, very soon,’ she reassured her father, blinking hard as the silent tears began to trail down her soft cheeks. ‘Yes, of course I want to see you…’ She faltered, the effort of putting joy in her voice becoming too much. ‘Yes, of course I do—both of you.’

  ‘It’s been such a long time, Kate; you should have been in touch sooner,’ her father scolded her, but in a joking manner. Kate was taken aback for a minute. She would have come home at any time but he had totally ignored her. She had received not one reply to the numerous letters she had sent him. Yet now her father seemed to have forgotten all about them, as if the fault lay with her. Maybe it was due to illness or drugs; Kate didn’t know, but she was determined to ask him once they were together again.

  ‘I would have come home sooner, Daddy. I just thought…’ Kate managed to say before her voice began to crack again. Sebastian stared at her, his eyes like cut diamonds, hard and bright. He strode over and took the telephone receiver from Kate’s shaky hand.